Highly sensitive? How to create and maintain energetic boundaries
Plus a big sale announcement!
𝒟ℯ𝒶𝓇 𝒱ℴ𝒾𝒹 is an advice column for for neuroqueer, neurocurious existentialist philosophers. Once or twice a month I will be answering your questions on any of the following themes: ☾𖤓 Late-diagnosed autism + ADHD ☾𖤓 Being highly-sensitive in a overwhelming world ☾𖤓 Menopause & perimenopause ☾𖤓 Middle age, the ‘midlife crisis’, cronehood ☾𖤓 Navigating late-stage capitalism ☾𖤓 Overcoming addiction ☾𖤓 Reclaiming our bodies (as an antidote to the patriarchy + capitalism) ☾𖤓 The healing power of nature ☾𖤓 Animal familiars ☾𖤓 Sitting with difficult emotions ☾𖤓 Nervous system regulation ☾𖤓 Navigating relationships ☾𖤓 Shadow work.
If you wish to send me a question, you can do so via ye olde Tumblr ask box. See this post for rules and guidelines.
This column is currently free but will be behind a paywall in a few months protect the energy of myself and the people who are sending their inquiries.
SALE ANNOUNCEMENT!
From now until December 1st! 22% off everything in store. Things have been quiet for my small biz this year while I work behind the scenes on a new project - so your support means everything right now. ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
SHOP HERE
If you missed PART ONE please read it here!
How to cultivate energetic boundaries - a step by step process:
*ੈ❀ Call your energy back. Part of being permeable is not having all of yourself in one place. Think of a puzzle that is missing pieces. There are many ways that you can do this.
Withdrawing support from people who give nothing back and/or are toxic.
Withdrawing from online spaces or physical spaces that are siphoning from you.
Prayer, meditation or visualization techniques.
Spellwork. (If you’d like a spell for this, let me know in the comments and I’ll share my go-to).
*ੈ❀ Learn how to identify bodily sensations and increase interoception. From Neurodivergent Counselling:
Body scanning: Start from the top of your head and notice any sensations you may feel there, then slowly move your awareness down through your body to your toes, continuing to pay attention to any physical sensations you notice along the way. This practice can help you become more attuned to subtle changes in your body. You can also experiment with targeted body awareness, tuning in to just one part of your body (such as, your hands) and experimenting with changing how that body part feels (e.g., clenching your fist, then opening it, or running your hand under cold water).
Interoceptive activities: Participate in activities that promote interoceptive awareness, such as yoga, tai chi, or body-focused meditation. These practices often emphasize bodily sensations, breath awareness, and mindful movement, helping you cultivate a deeper connection to your body and its signals. You may have to experiment to find the right type of activity since not all interoceptive activities work for all neurodivergent people.
Label and describe sensations: Practice labeling and describing the sensations you experience in your body. When you notice a sensation, such as warmth, tension, or tingling, try to put it into words and describe it in detail. This process of verbalizing your bodily experiences can enhance your awareness and understanding of internal sensations over time. And remember, your experience of bodily sensations may be different than others’ and that is okay! Use describing words that make sense to you.
*ੈ❀ As an expansion of the last bullet point above, once you’ve become adept at labelling and describing your own internal sensations while you’re alone, become aware of sensations, tensions, emotions and any other phenomena that arise when you’re physically around other people, or you’re online. If you can, make a mental note or write them down.
If you’re able to write them down, create columns A), B) and C) - A) can be described as ‘sensations I was feeling before x activity’, B) ‘sensations I felt during’ and C) ‘sensations I felt after.’ You can also note how long it took you, upon being alone, to shed those feelings from the B) column.
Once you learn how to properly identify what’s yours and what isn’t, you can practice various boundary-strengthening techniques that maintain your empathy and compassion without compromising your structure and health. They are as follows.
*ੈ❀ Learn to say no to things you know will be unduly taxing, draining or downright bad for you.
*ੈ❀ Befriend only those who respect emotional boundaries and don’t simply ‘dump’ on you. Yes, there will be times when someone you love goes through something really hard - but you can enter into those situations with awareness of the difficulty. People who lack emotional boundaries will always take more than they give, and will hit you sideways with all kinds of somatic debris that they themselves have not processed. By virtue of your sensitivity and compassion and their total lack of self-awareness, they end up forcing you to process their stuff.
*ੈ❀ Tread carefully into challenging territory, especially if you find a topic triggering. Even if you love that person, sometimes it is healthier for both parties for you to take a step back.
*ੈ❀ Spend time in nature and ground your energy. Go barefoot whenever possible.
*ੈ❀ Continue practicing differentiating between what’s yours and what belongs elsewhere. Find a somatic practice, be it breathwork, shaking out energy, dancing, stimming or anything that helps you to dispel what isn’t yours. Alone time is crucial.
*ੈ❀ Build up your energetic body. Qi Gong, Tai Chi and meditation are all excellent ways to make your nervous system and energetic body more robust, able to experience the undulations of the human/animal/cosmic world without being knocked around too much.
From here, you are likely to encounter people for whom The Big Questions also tickle, but what is shared will feel expansive, and more joyful. These portals (as you call them) are available to everyone - but as I mentioned before, the permeability we experience causes us to see beyond the veils that we, in our modern world, are forced to live in. Much is taken at face-value. The trees we encounter - they are conscious beings, but how often is that thought of? The meat people consume - this comes from sentient, conscious beings as well who experience all of the fear and pain that we do, yet McDonald’s is advertised to us on the TV all the time and it’s ‘normal.’ We live in an incomprehensibly vast and magical universe, and are lucky enough to be alive on this spinning rock hurtling through space yet most of us have our noses buried in our phones, seething angrily at some comment that a stranger made on facebook. Our minds are capable of understanding the true nature of consciousness and life itself, yet most have no idea how to access this. Much of what we autistics experience as deeper realms is simply the vibrant, pulsating, immense, wondrous TRUTH of existence, and all of the unseen forces which are as real as anything, yet are overlooked by those who take everything at face value.
Many are essentially sleepwalking through life, insensitive and blasé towards the utter enchantment of all things. It is a gift to be so sensitive and aware. As long as we do not get too damaged by our immense empathy, we can celebrate these gifts and dance in the pure joy of awakening to our full spiritual selves.
Until next time,
Love and wolves.
D xx
P.S. If you’ve found this piece illuminating, helpful, or interesting - please consider becoming a paid subscriber or buying me a coffee. I love writing, and I love being of service - but alas, my fae creaturehood is bound inextricably to paying bills ˊᴖˋ so it’s important for me to be paid for my work.
