You are so very loved
Plus a retirement announcement ~
Before I dive into todayโs words + explorations, a couple of important nudges and announcements:
One - I am officially retiring from making tarot + oracle decks.
I have given this craft ten years of my life and I am feeling strongly that it is time for me to move on. The Fertile Void Tarot and Illuminated Magazine is a wonderful project to end this journey with - I poured my whole self into it over the course of a year and I am so proud of it. I should say that Iโm proud of all of my decks - especially the ones which really established me in the tarot space (Serpentfire + She Wolfe). I feel nothing but gratitude for this immensely technicolour career arc Iโve been taken on as a result of choosing this path (or having it choose me) - hello Aquarius Midheaven!
No one really knows what it takes to conceptualize, execute and release these projects and it has taken more and more from me each time - like launching a massive boulder into space. From all of the admin to the marketing to (sometimes) dealing with heinously entitled and rude people via the internet, this kind of entrepreneurship requires one to wear about 20-25 different career hats at once, and while I may be a Gemini Ascendant, thatโs just too much. Iโm at an age where Iโd like to be less personally visible and focus more on the collective than my own personal legacy.
So - Iโve been pivoting! Iโll let you know soon what that will be - there have been hints in these paragraphs - but all will be revealed in the fullness of time. Any guesses are welcome in the comments - the weirder the better tbh.
Two - as part of my farewell tour to tarot - Iโm co-founding a tarot-themed art show in Paris during Paris Fashion Week!
Alongside tarot readers Jacqueline La Divine and Laeticia Barbier I am coordinating the submissions for Spiritual Noir - Tarot Art Exhibition at the ECC Gallery in Paris. There will also be a purely digital collection via IG (@thecartomancycollection) - which doesnโt look like much yet, bear with us - weโre just getting it going! If you are a tarot artist and would like to submit your work you can do so here.
Three - (If you are not a Kickstarter supporter keep scrolling) there are still some who have not yet filled out the new backer survey!
As a recap, there was a significant glitch on Kickstarterโs end a few weeks back and no one was charged shipping for their order. So a new survey was issued which has been collecting those charges - and a small handful of you have not yet filled it out and paid your shipping. As a thank-you for your understanding regarding the hiccup (ICYMI) I created this FREE sprawling year-ahead tarot reading for all backers. Return to it anytime over the next year to gain insights into the month in question.
Shipping will begin in a few weeks. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Re: one of my reasons for pivoting - I am but one human juggling nearly two dozen roles so your kindness means everything.
For the last few months, themes have been arising in my personal life surrounding lovability and subsequent risk of rejection. We all carry these types of wounds and they often - subconsciously and/or consciously - steer how we treat ourselves and how we behave in our relationships.
I speak often of disability in this space not only because I am disabled, but because the enduring tenderness we need to conjure in disability it is something that all of us face at some point. Tenderness is not our norm. The ways in which we are taught to engage with our bodies, minds and hearts tend to be ruthless under capitalism - and the value systems we champion therein. All of the ills we face in terms of embracing ourselves and one another stem from the systems which treat us like we are nothing but electrified meat. Underneath that tension and judgement is tenderness, love and unity. This is seen time and again when something dire takes place in a community - such as the wildfires of late here in Ontario (whose smoke spread into many parts of the US as well). People unified under a cause will instantly recognize one anotherโs humanity. It has never ceased to amaze me how this occurs without fail. (And Iโm always like, canโt we be this way all the time?)
To me, this is because a shared reality (even under abysmal circumstances) does (albeit temporarily) erase the exoskeletons we use to fortify ourselves against one another. In other words, we truly see each other without filters. This kind of care and clear sight is what the disabled community offers to one another every day, because weโve had no choice but to acquiesce to being relegated to the sidelines of society. In the fringes, weโve had to cultivate oceans of self-love, which inevitably pours forth into others. You donโt need to be disabled to cultivate oceans of self-love of course, it just happens to be a requisite practice of those of us who are.
However, that doesnโt fully erase the wounds around lovability. Disability, mental illness, addiction, neurodivergence (which also sometimes scoops up the three previous headings) - whatever sits outside the narrow notion of normal is subject to scrutiny. The wounds we receive surrounding this end up being ferried along through decades within the inky blackness of our own insides. And the only thing that tends to remain, as those events which caused the wounds in the first place become distant memories, is our own self-scrutiny. We turn the dagger inward.
We internalize the messages we receive from the world at large and perhaps potent spikes of experience along the way with family, friends, lovers - and we tell ourselves we arenโt worthy of love. It becomes almost a radical act to reclaim this. Sometimes I picture it like two wizards doing battle with their magical staffs. The dark wizard of capitalism and ableism against the light wizard of tenderness and unity. Both forcefields are attempting to overtake the other. The forcefield of self-scrutiny is indeed rather saturatingโฆlike microplastics or toxic particles in wildfire-wrought air. The chances of ingesting some are one hundred percent, but that doesnโt mean we need to be polluted or smothered. The battleground for tenderness is temporary and then there simply is no tension - it dissipates. The wounds arise and are met first by love, not whatever narratives we adopted to inflate them.
Something so interesting about neurodivergent people that I learned a few months back is that we generally donโt believe in hierarchies. And this is true! We see others, no matter their socioeconomic status (or any other metric) as lovable and deserving of care. This is why thereโs a very โno duhโ kind of response to unhoused people deserving homes, everyone having access to clean water, all humans having enough money to live, people mired in mental health crises and/or addiction deserving love and care, acutely/chronically ill people deserving support and time to convalecse, etc. Like, of course, right? Only logical. But due to the fact that we as neurodivergents often live beneath the poverty line, have dealt with abuse, mental illness and/or addiction, and likely deal with some level of physical illness - this lack of support throughout life has left us with our own lovability wounds. Weโre so clearly able to see that everyone deserves care and love - but can we provide it to ourselves?
The answer is yes, of course - but again, it takes time and steadily applied effort. It takes recognizing the wounded narratives and gently re-routing them. New neurons want to fire and wire together, we just need to give them a chance.
In my upcoming romantasy trilogy, the protagonist first learns she is loved through her relationship with nature. When in doubt, return to this. The chestnut tree, the stream, the snake, the hawk, the beetle - they all belong just as they are. You donโt need to make a case to them. They simply are, and they are loved. And so are you.
Until next time,
Love and wolves.
D xx
