Miki Kim
Content warning: discussions of unwanted sex, post-sex anxiety. This falls under my ‘wisdom of 40’ series.
Something interesting has been happening deep within my body and psyche via perimenopause - as it turns out, the word ‘pause’ doesn’t just apply to the - eventual - end of menstruation, it also has placed the momentum of how voraciously I have gone after sex. I am in lengthy, and ponderous, re-evaluation phase.
From
~ a piece entitled The Carnivorous Nature Of Girlhood: “There is something so carnivorous about girlhood. Girlhood isn’t just morning dew on flower petals, or the whispers of a fresh spring breeze. Girlhood is carnivorous. It’s blood, cracked fingernails, and bruises. Girlhood is a palpitating heartbeat. It’s murderous. A possession of an unadulterated rage brewing inside of me at the pit of my stomach. I’m not sure when this rage came to be. If I was born with it inside of me, if it grew alongside me all these years. Or if it found its way inside of me. Like some sort of parasite. Is it even rage? Or is it a deep mourning? A sadness ignored so long it has no choice but to transform into rage in order to be heard. I don’t know. But, sometimes I feel more like a monster than a girl.”Miki Kim
I remember being very, very interested in sex from a young age and had my first orgasm in grade 7. I had my first kiss after a YMCA dance with a boy with eyes like dreamy, round, perfect oceanic marbles later that same year. From that moment on it felt like something was growing within me - a little beast with teeth and claws, and it wanted more despite the fact that it had no idea, truly, what it desired or how violating it would be at times to brush up against the pulsating flesh of that desire.
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